“Never use Clear Care with a flat lens case. Clear Care only works with the special lens case provided. Never rinse lenses with Clear Care prior to inserting lenses into your eyes. Clear Care is a powerful cleaning and disinfecting solution that will burn and sting your eyes unless neutralized properly.” – The nice folks at Clear Care.

They mean it.

Picture this: It’s Saturday morning and the kids have spent the night with Grandma. I’ve slept in after a long, long night. I get up, head into the bathroom, splash a whole bunch of water in my face, and go straight for my contact lenses. (Without them I am BLIND.) I take the cap off of my flat lens case, take out the lens for my left eye, rinse it with the solution, put it in my eye, and several things happen all at once.

First, I scream the F-word multiple times. Then I turn around and crash into my shower door, which would have shattered if it wasn’t made of cheap plastic. Then I hit the floor and start dry-heaving, clawing at my eye to get the f*cking lens out. The only thing I don’t do is foam at the mouth.

This all happens in the span of about 15 seconds. And have I mentioned I’m naked at the time? Yeah. It was a sight.

I got it out, then called my mom to tell her I was coming down to get the kids and would she please make me a tuna fish sandwich. It was a great start to a great day.